Harry Potter and the Sorting Hat
by Crimson Moon
Summary: What do YOU think it's about? wink wink HSH. Bwahahahahaha!


HARRY POTTER AND THE SORTING HAT  
  
And you thought it couldn't be done.  
  
It had been two months since Harry Potter, the famous boy who had survived the deadliest spell cast by the deadliest sorcerer ever known (He-Who-Must- Not-Be-Named-), had arrived at Hogwarts for his 6th year.  
  
And DAMN if he hadn't grown!  
  
All the witches (and even some wizards) had their eyes on him. It made him feel slightly uncomfortable (especially when he found out that Professor Snape was stalking him), but over all he was used to such attention. He WAS famous after all. He was Harry Potter. I mean damn, he had two movies and five books about him for Christ's sake!  
  
Even though he had become quite the ladies' man, deep down Harry yearned for something more...Something was missing...  
  
For days he pondered, searching for the source of this emptiness...  
  
And after days of looking deep inside of himself it hit him.  
  
He was...gay.  
  
Or at least that's what Draco wished for.  
  
Harry shook his head. 'I can't be gay!' he thought, 'I never feel attracted to Ron...'  
  
And then, that night, Harry had a dream...Or maybe more like a flashback.  
  
It was when the sorting hat saved him from certain doom, when it had brought him the sword of Gryffindor to slay the evil serpent Basilisk.  
  
A warm feeling began to come about Harry, 'T-the sorting hat...' he grinned strangely, 'I never thought about how beautiful its fabric was...'  
  
The young wizard sighed dreamily and then fell back to his slumber.  
  
The next day he snuck into Dumbledore's office to have a peek of the sorting hat.  
  
How beautiful its shape was, and how poetically it sang its song...  
  
A love struck grin appeared on Harry's face once more, and before the hat knew it, it had been snatched and stuffed inside Harry's robe.  
  
Later in Harry's room...  
  
"Harry Potter!" The sorting hat blinked as it was pulled out of the young wizard's robe.  
  
"Shh..." Harry seductively placed a finger on the hat's 'lips', and set it on his bed. "Sorting Hat...I've wanted to speak with you...For so...so...long..."  
  
"Wh-what?"  
  
"Sorting Hat..." Harry slowly pulled his black glasses off and threw them aside, "How do you feel about me?"  
  
"-Er...well...you're a nice young man...I suppose..."  
  
"You want to know how I feel about you?"  
  
"Sure...why not?........." The old hat glanced around nervously, wondering where all the other Gryffindors were.  
  
Harry picked up the hat, and leveled his head with it, "I love you Hat...ever since you were first placed on top of my head..."  
  
The hat blinked once more,  
  
"KISS ME!"  
  
Harry pulled it into a passionate embrace. Lovingly he stroked the fabric on the back of its head.  
  
"HARRY?........."  
  
Potter and the sorting hat pulled away, their attention going to Ron standing there in the doorway.  
  
"Harry! How could you?! I...and I thought I was in love!!!" And then the red headed wizard spun around and ran off as fast as he came, his head in his hands crying the whole way out of the House.  
  
Harry shrugged and looked back towards his new lover, "Sorting Hat, how did you like that?"  
  
"Actually...it wasn't all that bad..." the hat thought for a moment, "I knew there was something special about you boy!"  
  
Suddenly the young wizard blinked, his attention going to the bottom of the sorting hat, "Hat, what's that?" he pointed to a white furry thing that looked like an ear sticking out.  
  
The hat chuckled, "That's my secret..." he winked, "Why don't you find out? Pull it out..."  
  
And so, Harry flipped the hat over and pulled the ear out as hard as he could. Before he knew it, he had pulled out a full grown man in a white furry Playboy bunny outfit out of the hat.  
  
"It's...It's magic!" Harry stuttered.  
  
"Harry, this is my true form." the man spoke, crawling closer to Harry. The young wizard couldn't help but notice the string Speedo type underwear the bunny man was wearing, "You are truly my soul mate...let us make love to celebrate!"  
  
And then the man hopped on Harry, tearing his robes off with his teeth-  
  
Ok...STOP.  
  
Did you really think I was going to write that you PERVERTS??!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
HAHA! I tricked you didn't I? All this time you were probably thinking about how freakin' messed up this author was for writing this...Why are you even reading this?!?!?!?!  
  
Alright, I'm joking, I hope I made you laugh. ^_~  
  
If I offended anyone in any way, I didn't mean to, so don't yell at me. 


End file.
